Feeling Ambivalent About Changing Your Substance Use
Written by Matthew Enkema, PhDIf you’ve been thinking about cutting back on drinking or changing how you use substances but feel unsure where to start, you’re not alone. Many people have mixed feelings about making changes, especially when substances have been part of how they cope, relax, or connect with others. Therapy can be a place to explore that ambivalence without pressure or judgment and to figure out what you actually want for yourself.
Why People Use Substances
It’s common for people to drink or use other substances to feel less anxious, to have a good time socially, because it’s what they like to do with their friends, or because it helps them sleep or have fewer bad dreams.
Using substances can sometimes help people feel better in the short term, and that relief is a big reason people keep using them.
We can’t tell you how many times people have told us, “It’s the only way I can feel some sense of joy, calm, or ease.” It can feel scary to take away a coping skill that helps you get through your life.
When You Start to Wonder About Your Use
If you’re reading this, you might also have been asked by others to take a closer look at how you use substances. Or maybe you’ve started to notice some unwanted consequences yourself like getting into arguments with a partner, having a DUI, feeling tired or getting headaches, not following through on things you said you would do, or using in situations you know you shouldn’t, such as at work.
Many people have an image in their mind of what someone with “a problem” looks like. They think, “I’m not like that.”But the truth is, substance use exists on a spectrum and it’s not as simple as having a problem or not.
Important Questions to Ask Yourself
Rather than asking, “Am I an alcoholic?” or “Am I an addict?” it can be more useful to ask questions like:
Am I experiencing any negative consequences from my use?
Is my use actually doing what I hope it will (helping me feel better or improving my life)?
Is my use negatively affecting people I care about?
Could I learn new coping skills that might work better for my goals?
These questions shift the focus from labels to function, meaning, how your substance use impacts your life and whether it still fits with your values and needs.
Therapy Doesn’t Have to Mean Quitting Completely
Many people avoid therapy for substance use because they assume the therapist will tell them they have to stop altogether. Some therapists do take that approach, but not all.
At Evergreen Therapy, we believe you should set your own goals. This approach helps you feel more in control, more understood, and more successful over time. It also supports you in building a life around substance use that feels realistic and sustainable.
Your goals may also shift as you go. Some people begin therapy wanting only to explore how substance use functions in their life. Others are open to learning new coping skills but aren’t ready to change their use just yet. Over time, as people gain more awareness of their thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and priorities, they often start to feel more confident about making changes.
And for others, therapy begins when they already feel ready for change.
You Don’t Have to Hit Rock Bottom
You don’t have to wait until things get worse to get help. A nonjudgmental therapist can help you reduce the harm that substances are having on your life at your own pace.
A therapist’s role is to support you, but also to help you see patterns you might be missing. For some people, abstinence is the right goal. For others, it might mean moderation, harm reduction, or simply better understanding their relationship with substances.
The Bottom Line
Change around substance use doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can explore your relationship with substances, understand what role they play in your life, and decide what changes, if any, feel right for you.
Therapy can be a space to do this safely, without judgment, and at your own pace. Whether your goal is harm reduction, moderation, or abstinence, support is available.
Reach out to Dr. Enkema to schedule a free consultation or contact him to ask a question.
