The Science Of Sexual Response: Your Gas And Brake Pedals
Written by Elizabeth Bird, PhDIt’s time for one of my favorite topics: The Dual Control Model!
I mentioned this briefly in a previous post (Why A Great Relationship Doesn’t Always Mean A Great Sex Life…and how to fix that), but today I want to give it some well-deserved space. This model is one of the best explanations we have for how sexual response (desire, arousal) actually works. It comes from research out of the Kinsey Institute and has been popularized by Dr. Emily Nagoski in her fantastic book Come As You Are (if you haven’t read it, add it to your list, you’ll notice I mention it a lot).
The Car Metaphor (With Hand Puppets)
The Dual Control Model explains sexual response as the balance between excitation (the “gas”) and inhibition (the “brake”).
The easiest way to picture this is through a car metaphor: everyone has both a gas pedal and a brake pedal.
When I explain this in person, I can’t resist putting my hands up like little puppets (one for gas, one for brake) so please imagine me doing that here. If you’ve seen me do it before, you’re welcome.
Different things press on each pedal, and everyone’s pedals are tuned differently, ranging in how sensitive they are. Importantly, gas and brake are separate systems.
What Pedals Look Like in Real Life
Let’s play with a few examples:
Sensitive Gas + Less Sensitive Brake
This person gets aroused easily and can stay aroused or interested even if life is stressful. Sometimes these folks are in a relationship with someone who’s pedals do not work like this and they can feel frustrated or feel self conscious that they are interested in sex when their partner is not.Average Gas + Sensitive Brake
This person may start to feel aroused, but a thought like “Am I taking too long?” or “Does my [insert body part] look weird in this position?”and boom. Bye-bye arousal.Less Sensitive Gas + Average Brake
This person needs some revving before the car moves. They might want advance notice (“quality time tomorrow night”) or more time through play, touch, or whatever presses their gas pedal compared to someone with a sensitive gas.
These categories aren’t an exact science and these are just some examples. Most people are somewhere in the average range on both pedals. Every version of pedal sensitivity is normal. The issues usually come from self-judgment (“I’m broken”) or from differences between partners.
The Real Villain: The Brake
Popular culture tells us the solution to sexual problems is always more gas: new toys, new positions, spicing things up (including some very weird and infamous tips from Cosmo). And sure, sometimes people aren’t getting the stimulation they need. Exploring preferences, fantasies, erotica, or toys can absolutely be important.
But much of the time, the real issue is on the brake.
You can pile on gas all you want, but if your brake is pressed, the car’s not going anywhere.
No matter how your pedals are tuned, everyone can have bricks on their brake that impact their ease of arousal.
What Presses the Brake?
Short answer: a lot.
Stress. Pain. Worrying about your body, your partner’s experience, your own arousal. Anxiety. Fear that the kids will barge in. Dogs and cats staring at you. Smells you don’t like. Arguments. Feeling unsafe. Feeling shame. Being cold. Thinking about your to-do list.
…and that’s just the short list.
That’s why the real mission is offloading the brake. Sometimes that means problem-solving as a couple. Sometimes it means healing emotional wounds, building trust, practicing mindfulness/being present, setting boundaries, or shedding old shame and messages about sex. It’s not just about “techniques”, it’s about creating an environment where your sexual car can actually move.
I want to acknowledge that this metaphor really focuses on the psychological and social factors but of course biology matters a lot, too.
Want to Know Your Pedal Settings?
Researchers created the Sexual Excitation and Sexual Inhibition Scales to measure how sensitive someone’s gas and brake might be. Dr. Emily Nagoski includes a version in Come As You Are that’s especially geared toward cisgender women, though the concepts apply broadly.
Even without the survey, you can reflect for yourself:
What tends to hit my gas?
What tends to hit my brake?
How are my pedals tuned compared to my partners’?
Do I judge some kinds of sexual cars as “better,” or can I see them as just different?
The Bottomline
The Dual Control Model helps us step back from judgment and see sexual response as a system not a flaw.
The real work is noticing what’s happening with your pedals and, if you’re partnered, becoming an erotic team in navigating them.
So, what’s on your gas? What’s on your brake? And how can you and your partner learn to drive your sexual car together?
Maybe you have an idea about how your sexual arousal tends to work but you’re not sure what to do about it (e.g., sensitive brakes). Or maybe you aren’t sure how to offload your brakes or how to press your gas. Read about Dr. Bird’s training and practice by clicking the button below.
